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Aging for Life: Talk to me
I’ve been heavily involved in the gun violence prevention (GVP) movement for a few years. Recently, other local group leaders and I were gathered in my living room for our usual monthly meeting. We range in age from early thirties to mid-seventies. All of these leaders are committed activists; the older among us have been fighting the good fight for social justice since the 1960s. We’ve been there. And back.
This particular week, we’d invited an 18-year-old to meet with us. She and her friends had launched an impressive local youth initiative that concerned itself with GVP, racism, police brutality, and other pressing social ills. We wanted to hear from her about coordinating efforts on the GVP front. We wanted to be supportive without seeming to attempt to take over. Well, but – are you woke? She looked a little uneasy for a while, and was noncommittal, then blurted, “Well, some of the people–not me, but some others—wonder if you guys are woke enough. You know what I mean?” It would’ve been a stitch to be a fly on the wall in the room right then, to observe the body language of all of us “elders” during our shocked silence: collective leaning back, widened eyes, suppressed laughter, disbelieving glances at each other. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, “Honey, we were woke before you were born!” I think my friend Deborah was the first to speak. “You know,” she said, “some of us have been fighting for social justice for 40 years. Some even longer than that.” After this admirable young person had left, we all had a good laugh. But activists of the 1960’s were young – not like you But I kept pondering the disconnect between her evident perception of us and the homage paid on her group’s website to the student activists of the ‘60s. “We stand on these giants’ shoulders,” the website said. But when she looked at us living, breathing people, she didn’t see the courageous student activists we’d been—those “giants”; she saw parents and grandparents who might represent many good things, but look nothing like the young student activists in her head—the student activists who looked like her and her friends, though in goofier clothes. A self-protective imagination gap I think what I saw was this 18-year-old’s inability to imagine herself aging into someone who looked like us. And I get that. It’s hard to imagine when you’re 18 and your body’s perfect, blooming, unblemished, perky, that you’ll ever look like someone decades older. You think you’ll escape. We all do. It’ll never happen to me, personally. I think kids that age almost see aging as a failing on our part, one they’ll never be so blind as to stumble into. It’s this absolute disconnect–making elders “Other”–that enables and reinforces ageism. This is why Ashton Applewhite’s idea of becoming “An Old Person in Training” is so important. In a nutshell, it means actively imagining yourself into your aging body. Hard as that is, it’s much harder to imagine yourself into the experienced, generous, creative mind you’re likely developing as you age. Becoming An Old Person in Training is a radical act: it’s a refusal to reject your future self. Read more here about this vital idea. Aging for Life: Talk to me
4 Comments
Christopher Mason
11/4/2018 05:39:44 pm
My grandfather has taken possession of my bathroom mirror. He glares at me every morning and tells me I can't go out into the world looking like this --what would my grandmother say? They've both been gone for more than thirty years.
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kate mataka
1/9/2019 10:30:11 pm
I keep remembering the theory that the newly adult see aging as a fault of some sort- it resonates with the vibe I get from those i knew as kids and were open to me and now seem to see me as someone kind of obligatory to talk to - i never know, has my behavior changed that much, is it their ageism, my internalized agesim....are they sorry for me, not want to hear me, or do people really think visually to the extent?
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1/10/2019 07:39:40 am
Hi, Kate. I'm so sorry to hear that you're getting that feeling from younger people. It sounds to me like the problem is more their ageism that you're picking up on -- not your own internalized ageism. You expect them to treat you as they always have; they're the ones who are changing the way they approach you. Yes -- visual evidence of our age is key here. Hence the $18 billion anti-aging beauty industry! Because who wants to be marginalized this way? But of course, changing our outsides isn't what's needed. What's needed is cultural revolution and loving internal growth. Is there an ageism consciousness-raising group where you live? Maybe you can start one! 1/10/2019 07:41:45 am
Hey, Christopher! I hope you're wearing your strong, wise face proudly. Have you seen my recent blog post, "How Many Years of Life Experience Do You Have?" Check it out under "Talk to Me." I think it's a great question for turning ageist assumptions on their head. Stay strong and proud! :)
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AuthorTheresa Reid is the Executive Producer and host of "Aging for Life." Archives
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